The way down
by Sode no Shirayuki1411
Summary: A short drabble about Blue's feelings for Red. Slight yaoi. Absolutely no plot whatsoever. Gameverse.


**Hi guys, hope you enjoy. I own nothing.**

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Sometimes Blue thinks he hates him.

Those times aren't so bad, it the times when Blue wonders if he still knows Red well enough to hate him that loneliness and pain hit him like a punch to the gut and it's all he can do not to double over gasping.

Blue's not really sure when it started, this... this _feeling._ First they were friends and that was fine, so what if Blue's grandfather seemed to like Red better? Blue wasn't jealous, he loved Red too much.

But he loved Red _too_ much and his own feelings began to overwhelm him. He pushed Red away, terrified of himself. And then Red hated him so they became rivals and that was fine because Blue could still talk to him, still laugh around him, even if it was _at_ Red instead of _with_ Red but it was still fine, really.

And then Blue's championship was ripped away from him virtually the moment he got it and his grandfather's words hurt like shards of glass under his skin and he wanted to scream that it wasn't true! No matter how much of a brat Blue had been (and he _had_ been a brat, he was aware of that), he didn't deserve that. He might treat Red like crap but he loved his Pokemon, but in a way he felt he deserved his grandfather's words because while Blue loved his Pokemon he always held them at arm's length, not like Red, because everything and everyone Blue had ever loved always left him, even if it was Blue's own doing.

He apologized to Red then who welcomed him back into his heart with open arms in a way Blue never could. But Red was so damn nice that he could never hold a grudge against anyone. And then he was moving to Mt. Silver to train and Blue was following him like a lost puppy to Viridian City because Red will come back, he has to come back, but the only thing that comes back are those _goddamn feelings.  
_

And Blue's a little older now, a little bit more experienced, he knows what those feelings are, even as he tells himself he doesn't feel them.

It's stupid, he tells himself, Red will never return those feelings and Blue would probably die of embarrassment if Red was to ever figure him out but that's unlikely because they go months without seeing each other nowadays. Every four months or so Blue will crack and race up Mt. Silver to make sure Red isn't dead. He isn't. Yet.

Red has gone quiet now, he rarely, if ever, speaks, but his eyes, once as bright as rubies, now darkened to the colour of blood, convey the same message every time.

 _I'm fine, thank you for caring. Now leave and don't come back.  
_

And Blue, who has never been quiet, wants to rant and scream at him, why is he doing this? What does he hope to gain? Does he really think his Pokemon can get any stronger or is this just his way of withdrawing from the world cuz Blue's really starting to think that's all it is and who the Hell does Red think he is worrying Blue and his mother this way? Get your ass off this mountain right now damn you.

And Blue's over the soul-crushing defeat of his loss to Red, so over it he almost releases his own Pokemon and attempt to drag Red back down by force. But he can't bring himself to disregard Red's choice like that, even though he wants to. Others might respect Red's right to isolate himself to death but Blue is a selfish asshole and doesn't respect that at all. He is sick of standing back and watching Red fade away day by day.

But Red's hand is so gentle as he brushes Blue's hair out of his face as if to reassure himself that _Blue_ is alright and his smile is still so kind and so sincere that Blue can't help being in love with him as much as he tries not to be. And that's when Blue _really_ hates him.

And then Gold comes into his life and he is a whirlwind of bright smiles and flashing colours and he kind of reminds Blue a bit of Red, _just a bit,_ and Blue really hopes Gold will not lose his zeal for life like Red has.

And when he lets Gold up on Mt. Silver Blue finds himself praying, he's never prayed before and he had no plans to start now but he finds himself leaning against the wall of his gym his hands clasped in front of his chest begging, _oh Arceus, please let this work,_ because if there is anyone who can do what Blue couldn't and get through to Red it is this boy from Johto with his scruffy hair and eyes and smile that can outshine the sun itself and _damn_ he really does remind Blue of a younger Red...

Snapping out of his memories Blue laces his hands above his head and stretches, feeling his muscles ripple in the cool air of his gym. His shirt and jacket are drying on a bench off to the side after he was soaked by a wayward surf attack.

"That's a good look for you," the voice from behind him is raspy with disuse but Blue knows instantly who it belongs to, he whirls around and Red smiles at him.

"What the f-" Blue bites off the curse before he can finish it.

Red shrugs, looking remarkably nonchalant. At least one of them is, Blue's world is spinning.

The darker haired male steps forwards until he is less than an arm's length away and shrugs again, "I know you missed me. And Gold was right, I missed you too, so I decided to come back."

"I...you..." Blue has no more words to say, he supposes that if he were a romantic person he would throw caution to the wind and kiss Red here and now. But no one has ever accused Blue of being a romantic.

He punches Red in the face. Red takes the blow laughing as it knocks him off his feet and grabs Blue's wrist to drag Blue down with him. Blue falls on top of Red feeling the beginnings of an incredulous smile creeping across his own face. He hates everything about this town, and this gym and _this asshole_ but right now there is nowhere at all he'd rather be.

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 **The end! I hope you enjoyed this totally random little fic.**


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